The Five Regrets of Dying

     In 2009, an Australian palliative nurse named Bonnie Ware wrote an article on her blog describing the biggest regrets of the terminally ill patients she had taken care of during her eights years as a care giver.  She had no idea that more than six and a half million people would read it.  She titled it:  “The Five Regrets of the Dying.”

1.   “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

      This was the most common regret of all.  Instead of living the life they really wanted, they waited too long and more than half of their dreams were never realized.  

2.    “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

       This was said by almost every man as they regretted missing their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.

3.   “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

        Most said they kept their feelings to themselves to keep the peace with others.  Many developed illnesses related to bitterness and resentment.  

4.    “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

     Many had become so caught up in their lives they lost track of their friends.  They deeply regretted not giving friendships time and effort.  

5.    “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

        Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.  They stayed stuck in their old patterns and habits and life literally passed them by.  Now it was too late.

       Does this list look familiar in your life?  Do you ever say, "One day I'm going to do __________.  Are you making the most of the life God has given to you?  Like an earthly father, God wants His children to be faithful, but also happy.  God loves you and wants to bless you; however, God cannot steer a parked car.  Happiness is truly a choice.  Now, it's your turn.  It's not too late.  May god's love be with you. 

No Doubt About It

        Do you ever doubt yourself?  When you look in the mirror, what do you see?  Do you like what you see?  Is there anything you would like to change?  What would it take to make you satisfied with the person in the mirror?

How about on the inside?  Do you ever doubt who you really are?  Do you lack confidence in yourself?  Do you feel you are just not good enough?  

The seeds of doubt are all around us.  We see the beautiful and the strong on TV and consciously and unconsciously, we compare ourselves to what we envision we should be.  They rob us of our joy in life, if we let them into our head.  

If you can remember playing organized sports, you may recall that the opposing team did not compliment you.  Instead, they wanted to get into your head and convince you that you were not good enough to win.  Arnold Schwarzenegger was a master at getting into an opponents head, e.g., at a Mr. Olympia contest he would say to a fellow competitor, “Lou.  You look great!  But your calves might need a little more work.”  That was just enough to plant a little seed of doubt in Lou’s head which gave Arnold the advantage he needed to win.  During a jury trial, a defense attorney is trying to plant the seeds of doubt.  He or she knows that if the seed of doubt can be planted in just one of the jurors, the outcome will be successful. 

So, how do we get the seeds of doubt out of our head?  That is the question that a father was struggling with as seen in the 24th verse of the ninth chapter of Mark.  The disciples could not heal a boy who was suffering from epilepsy and an evil spirit. The father pleaded with Jesus to heal his son.  Jesus said, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.”  The father cried and said, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.”  When Jesus healed the boy, His disciples asked Him why they couldn’t do it.  Jesus told them, “This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting.”

When we develop a close relationship with the Lord, by reading His Word daily and praying when the seeds of doubt try to overwhelm us, and focus entirely on Jesus rather than the problem, we can prevent the seeds of doubt from taking up root in our life.  Jesus tells us this will work.  No doubt about it.

What Happens To Us When We Die?

The Apostle Paul says these words in II Corinthians 5:8:" . . . absent from the body . . . present with the Lord."

As we grow older, most people throughout the world begin to seriously reflect on what they have or haven't done with their lives. They think of many things, but one thought everyone has in common in this:  "What is going to happen to me when I die?"  Physicists have demonstrated that when a human being dies, an energy force leaves the body.  That energy force can be measured but scientists do not know where it goes.  Energy cannot be destroyed so it remains a mystery in the scientific world.  As Christians, we believe that energy force that leaves the body is our soul or spirit.

As Christians, we are responsible for what we know, and the Lord tells us that we are to be obedient to His Word; however, we are not to judge others, as seen in Matthew 7:1, "Judge not, that you be not judged."  We do not know what is in another person's heart.  Consider the following question:

Who was the first person to go to heaven according to the New Testament?  

The thief on the cross is the answer.  It was a criminal.  Heaven is not for everyone, and this criminal suddenly discovered the truth about why Christ died on the cross.  He saw the reality of what was unfolding before his eyes, being in the very presence of the One who held the keys to life ever lasting.  At that moment, the criminal made a confession of faith.  There were two criminals being crucified with Christ.  One on His left and one on his right.  One criminal shouted, "If you are the Christ, save Yourself and us."  The "thief" rebuked him and said, "Do you not even fear God . . . we receive the due reward of our deeds; but this Man has done nothing wrong."  The he said to Jesus, "Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom."

The thief on the cross made a confession of faith.  He called Jesus Lord, repented of his sins, and asked to follow Him.  Jesus saw the man's heart and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise."  

There is only one message about this story.  God loves you and Christ died to forgive you of your sins and provide a place in heaven if you will accept it as a free gift.  That is the only message there is.  We will spend eternity in heaven with God for one reason and one reason only.  It will not be because we were good, bad or indifferent.  It will happen because we put our trust in Jesus Christ, and Him alone, for our salvation. 

When a Child Dies

One of the most difficult things in life to deal with is the death of a child.  In the Oscar-winning film “Roma,” the most gut wrenching moment takes place in a Mexico city hospital room when a doctor walks in and says to a frightened young woman, “Your baby was born dead,” and then walks away.  That haunting scene, which took place in 1971, graphically illustrates a situation that is still poorly understood and often times avoided.  

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), a stillbirth is the death or loss of a baby before or during delivery.  A miscarriage is defined as the loss of a baby before the 20th week of pregnancy, whereas a stillbirth is the loss of a baby after 20 weeks of pregnancy.  Stillbirth affects about 1% of all pregnancies, and each year about 24,000 babies are stillborn in the United States.  According to the Mayo Clinic, the rate of miscarriage is 10-20% of all known pregnancies.  It is difficult to get a more precise number because many miscarriages occur so early in pregnancy that a woman may not even know she is pregnant.  

In either case, the loss of a child is emotionally devastating.  Emotional healing is going to take longer than physical healing.  It is a heart-wrenching loss that others around you may not fully understand and in some cases, may try to avoid discussing.  Your emotions may range from anger and guilt to despair.  You will never forget your hopes and dreams surrounding your pregnancy; however, discussing it with an experienced and well trained professional or seeking a group experience such as Compassionate Friends, will help ease the pain until a certain level of acceptance is obtained.  The Bible can also be a source of hope.

The death of David’s son, as seen in II Samuel 12:15-23, may give you some hope.  David was a “man after God’s own heart.”  God loved David deeply; however, David had an affair with Bathsheba.  After his child was born, it became ill.  The Bible tells us that David then fasted and lay all night on the ground.  For seven days he pleaded with God to save his child.  Some of his friends went to David and tried to get him to get up from the ground and eat.  But he would not do it nor would he eat.  On the 7th day, the child died.  His servants were afraid to tell David for fear he might hurt himself.  David heard his servants whispering, and asked, “Is the child dead?”  They told him the child was dead.  At that point, David stood up, changed his clothes, went into his house and asked for food to be served, and he ate.  The servants were shocked by his behavior and said, “What is this that you have done?  You fasted and wept for the child while he was alive, but when the child died, you arose and ate food.”  David then said these words to his servants, “While the child was alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, ‘Who can tell whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child may live?’  “But now he is dead; why should I fast?  Can I bring him back again?  I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.”

What David is saying is that his child will not return to him while he is alive on earth, but that he will see his child again in heaven.  May this provide some comfort, because all children will be in heaven, and you will see your child again.  

Facing Our Fears

Max Lucado recently shared a frightening moment in his life in which, like so many of us, he developed the beginning of a physical problem he just didn’t want to face. He related that ten years ago he noticed what looked and felt like a tremor in his thumb which started quivering mysteriously. He revealed that his father died from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS, aka, Lou Gehrig’s Disease which is a progressive degeneration of nerve cells that control motor movement and ends in death) and he assumed the worse. Did he inherit the same horribly slow death as his father?

Max said his golf game suffered because of the tremor and, “If I raised my left hand to make a point in a sermon, all I could see was a twitchy thumb.” He remembered one of the last messages he received from his father was, “I have no fear of death or eternity.” He thought to himself why he didn’t have that same faith. After all, he was a minister who preached to others that the Lord is with you. Yet, he was too afraid of going to the doctor for fear that he would be told that he would die. It was just too scary. However, enough was enough and he summoned all the courage he could muster an went to the doctor who checked him out thoroughly, from his walk and his reflexes to his balance. When the doctor finished the examination, Max was almost overcome while waiting for the doctor to, “deliver the death sentence.” Finally, the doctor said, “No need to worry. You’re okay. The tremor in your thumb is nothing to worry about. I promise.”

Last winter I developed a bad cold and had trouble breathing. I went to Urgent Care and the doctor wrote out a prescription for medicine. She noticed that I was behaving rather strange and I told her my father had died of lung cancer. She said, “Do you want a chest x-ray?” I didn’t know what to say at first and almost said no but stopped myself and said, “Yes. But if it is bad - don’t tell me.” She had the nurse escort me back to the x-ray department and then back to the waiting room. When I was told that the X-ray was clear. I said, “Really. Promise? Not just saying that?” She nodded yes.

Only a doctor would be able to convince me I was not going to die like my father. So it is with the promises of God. Unlike Max’s thumb and my coughing, the promises of God are undeniable and unbroken. What I learned from my experience is that with the promises of God, we must face our fears in life. Whatever those fears may be. We all know those who have waited too long to face their fear and it was too late for them. God wants us to be at peace and come to him with our fears and He will give us the comfort that only God can give us. To God be all the glory. Amen and amen.

New Year 2019

The New Year is here.  What will 2019 bring?  Will you have any control over what is going to happen to you?  Will you make any changes, or will the years keep rolling along?  For young people, the new year represents continued growth in practically every avenue.  However, that is not necessarily true for older people.  Therefore, I would like to address this month’s column to the more mature among us.  Those approaching, or who are in retirement.  The great philosopher, Clint Eastwood, has these words for us:  “A man’s got to know his limitations.”

For most of our adult lives, especially for men, we are defined by what we do and how we did it.  There was typically a clear purpose involving being a provider and taking care of the family.  For women, her role as mother was also typically defined as a homemaker, and sometimes being a financial provider as well.  (Today those models are rapidly changing for younger generations.)  

For both men and women, after retirement, comes the question, “What do I do with the rest of my life?  Life expectancy is now greater than ever expected.  It is not unusual anymore for people to live to 100.  So, how do you approach this new chapter in your life?  The emotional component of change is now real.  You will now be challenged to develop a new purpose in your life.  People who have a sense of purpose live longer than those who don’t.  In a recent study involving 136,000 people, with an average age of 67, evaluating the relationship between having a purpose in life and the risk of death or cardiovascular disease, were followed for seven years.   The risk of death was 20% lower for those who had a clear sense of purpose.  They also had a lower risk of heart attack or stroke.  

So, how do you develop a new purpose in life?  First, realize that a new life purpose is about pursuing goals and interests, and hopefully an opportunity for adventure and discovery.  Here are a few ideas to explore.  Look back at the things you used to be interested in during your younger years.  What did you enjoy doing then?  Perhaps learning a new musical instrument, going to college, volunteering, learning new skills like public speaking, cooking, or small engine repair.  Whatever it is, pursue it with focus and passion.  

Breathe Properly To Stay Calm and Deadly Focused

Proper breathing will put your body in harmony, increasing blood flow and also serotonin and dopamine levels.  To slow down and control the chatter in your head, repeat a mantra, e.g., I say the word, “steady” in competition pistol shooting when I must remain totally focused and calm.  

Let’s begin:

Start by taking a deep breath into your nose.  Focus on breathing into your stomach.  Then exhale all of the oxygen out of your body.  Do this two or three times to prepare yourself.

Now, focus on breathing in deeply for four seconds, and hold for four seconds.  Then breathe out for four seconds and hold for four seconds.

Do this several times or until you feel your body is in harmony again. Your lungs, the hemispheres of your brain, your entire body must be in harmony to function properly.  This will reboot your system to achieve that harmony.

Do not let the simplicity of this breathing exercise fool you.  The reason is based on Nobel Prize winning research.  When you breathe into your nose you are increasing the nitric oxide levels in your blood stream.  Basically, it increases your blood flow and lowers your blood pressure.  

You can even make it better if you wish by humming when you are exhaling.  Humming oscillates the air while you are breathing which greatly increases the level of nitric oxide levels into your blood stream.  

Note:  Dr. Louis J. Ignarro won the Nobel Prize in medicine in 1998 for the discovery of the importance of nitric oxide to the cardiovascular system for increasing blood flow.  He is also considered the Father of Viagra.