Perhaps the most alarming statistic concerning battered women, is the estimate that one out of three women will be battered at some time in their life by a man who "loves" them.
I began working with battered women in 1973 at the request of the medical director at a mental health center in which I was employed. I discovered quickly that there was little if any research on battered women during this time period. Thus, the only thing to do was to begin exploring these issues first hand by beginning a battered women's group. The first group was composed of eight young women with obvious physical injuries. What was not so obvious were the psychological injuries. When asked why they stayed in a relationship with a man who had injured them they all professed to love him. That answer was not compatible with common sense. Thus began a journey into the psyche of the battered woman in search of the answer to the question, "why?"
Many theories have been proposed, ranging from the earliest psychoanalytic theory by Anna Freud involving "identification with the aggressor - out of fear and not love" to current social and reality focused issues such as economics, religious issues, and fear of retaliation. All of these theories and social issues are clearly real and very true; however, I still found them to fall short of answering the critical question of "why?" If a person were to look at all of the women who fall victim to battering, it is clear they will discover that some women were reared in warm and caring families, had many economic resources available, as well as support systems and strong academic credentials. Why do these women still remain in abusive relationships?
I discovered, in studying prisoner of war research, a method of brain washing that proved to be very enlightening. Upon further exploration, I isolated five variables to accomplish the objective of brainwashing American prisoners of war: (1) fear, (2) isolation, (3) poverty, (4) interrogation, and (5) propaganda. No human being can be brainwashed without the first variable - fear. This was easily accomplished by any type of physical punishment. The second variable was also easily accomplished by isolating the soldier, as camaraderie would provide ego enhancing opportunities and reality checks. The third variable was accomplished by withholding any monetary goods as this represented a form of power, e.g., cigarettes could be exchanged for favors which represented at least an illusion of having some control. The fourth variable involved interrogation which destroyed confidence, and never communication which would enhance self-esteem. The fifth variable involved propaganda designed to enhance the captor's point of view and humiliate the captive.
It became increasingly clear to me that the batterer, although not familiar with this type of research, was using the same psychological warfare. He developed fear in the woman, generally by hitting her; isolated her by trying to convince her that her friends were bad for her; kept a strong reign on the money; interrogated her as to her whereabouts; and humiliated her by trying to convince her she was not worthy and he was so much better. The woman eventually becomes brainwashed. Cycles of violence continue with the hope that he will change; however, despite desperate pleas from loved ones, she seems even more trapped.
Help for the battered woman begins with the personal insight into this brainwashing scheme, portrayed so frequently by charming men. The battered woman needs to seriously ask herself, "does my partner raise my self-esteem or does he lower my self-esteem?" Good men who have the capacity for love, never lower a woman's self-esteem through power and control tactics. They seek to raise and affirm their partner's confidence through mutual respect. Seeking the services of an experienced therapist to explore whether or not one is a battered woman, should not be considered a weakness, but rather an opportunity for self-growth and inner freedom.
In my next blog, I will explore the spiritual dynamics of staying with an abuser. Does the average minister encourage a wife to stay with an abusing husband? Does the Scriptures say a wife must remain loyal to her husband regardless of circumstances, e.g., unconditional love, "in sickness and in health, in poverty and wealth, until death does separate us?"
It has been 40 years since I first got involved with battered women. In 40 years, nothing has changed.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
A Prayer For The Very Weary
Every once in a while I will find a prayer that will touch my heart. If you have ever helped a loved one with pain they are going through, this will resonate throughout your soul.
This was written by Grace Noll Crowell.
"Dear Child, God does not say today, 'Be strong!'
He knows your strength is spent;
He knows how long the road has been,
How weary you have grown,
For He who walked the earthly roads alone,
Each bogging lowland, and each long steep hill,
Can understand, and so he says,
'Be still and know that I am God.'
The hour is late, and you must rest awhile,
And you must wait
Until life's empty reservoirs fill up
As slow rain fills an empty, upturned cup,
Hold up your cup, dear child, for God to fill,
He only asks today that you be still."
If you have a favorite prayer that you would like to share, please let me know.
This was written by Grace Noll Crowell.
"Dear Child, God does not say today, 'Be strong!'
He knows your strength is spent;
He knows how long the road has been,
How weary you have grown,
For He who walked the earthly roads alone,
Each bogging lowland, and each long steep hill,
Can understand, and so he says,
'Be still and know that I am God.'
The hour is late, and you must rest awhile,
And you must wait
Until life's empty reservoirs fill up
As slow rain fills an empty, upturned cup,
Hold up your cup, dear child, for God to fill,
He only asks today that you be still."
If you have a favorite prayer that you would like to share, please let me know.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Touching Lives We May Never Know
"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord." I Corinthians 15:58
Do you ever wonder if what you do is significant? Will anything you do ever make a real difference in the work of the Lord? Perhaps the story of Elias Kimball can give us hope. Elias was a Sunday School teacher who worked with a class of young men in Boston. In 1858, Elias felt the tugging of the Holy Spirit move him to share his faith with a young shoe salesman he knew. At first, he was hesitant to do so, but finally went into the shoe store and shared his faith with him. As a result, the young shoe salesman prayed and received Christ that day. The shoe salesman's name was Dwight L. Moody who went on to become the greatest evangelist of his generation. Dwight Moody moved to Chicago where he started a Sunday School work among children that would eventually lead to the Moody Bible Institute.
In 1879, Moody went to England to lead an evangelistic crusade. At first, the British clergy found his sermons too overly emotional. One minister in particular, F.B. Meyer was very critical of him until a lady from his church convinced him that Moody was truly a great minister. Meyer decided to give him another chance and was won over by his dynamic preaching. Meyer was so influenced by Moody that he became a traveling evangelist.
Years late while preaching in America, Meyer was approached by a young minister named J. Wilbur Chapman who was so discouraged he was ready to resign. Meyer counseled him and Chapman regained his faith and began a career as an evangelist in the early 20th century. Before long, Chapman knew he would need an assistant and recruited a highly motivated but largely uneducated former professional baseball player. This ball player was Billy Sunday who would go on to win over one million people to the Lord.
In 1924, Billy Sunday was preaching a crusade in Charlotte, North Carolina. It changed the city. One result was a group of young men who were so moved that they started a small prayer group. That prayer group continued to pray for years and during the midst of the Great Depression they felt a strong need for Charlotte to have another great revival. In 1934, they recruited a man named Mordecai Hamm to preach the crusade. During the last night of the Crusade, under the big tent, one tall, lanky young man walked up the aisle to receive Christ. That man's name was William Franklin Graham or Billy as millions around the world would soon know him. Billy Graham would go on to become the greatest evangelist the world has ever known.
As you think of this story, which person do you think was the most important? Graham? Sunday? They clearly are the most familiar. However, in a sense, perhaps the most important was a humble, everyday, Sunday School teacher named Elias Kimball. Most of us will never be a Billy Graham or Billy Sunday. But you could be an Elias Kimball. You could be a humble, faithful servant whose name few may remember, but a future harvest of your labors might forever change the world.
Do you ever wonder if what you do is significant? Will anything you do ever make a real difference in the work of the Lord? Perhaps the story of Elias Kimball can give us hope. Elias was a Sunday School teacher who worked with a class of young men in Boston. In 1858, Elias felt the tugging of the Holy Spirit move him to share his faith with a young shoe salesman he knew. At first, he was hesitant to do so, but finally went into the shoe store and shared his faith with him. As a result, the young shoe salesman prayed and received Christ that day. The shoe salesman's name was Dwight L. Moody who went on to become the greatest evangelist of his generation. Dwight Moody moved to Chicago where he started a Sunday School work among children that would eventually lead to the Moody Bible Institute.
In 1879, Moody went to England to lead an evangelistic crusade. At first, the British clergy found his sermons too overly emotional. One minister in particular, F.B. Meyer was very critical of him until a lady from his church convinced him that Moody was truly a great minister. Meyer decided to give him another chance and was won over by his dynamic preaching. Meyer was so influenced by Moody that he became a traveling evangelist.
Years late while preaching in America, Meyer was approached by a young minister named J. Wilbur Chapman who was so discouraged he was ready to resign. Meyer counseled him and Chapman regained his faith and began a career as an evangelist in the early 20th century. Before long, Chapman knew he would need an assistant and recruited a highly motivated but largely uneducated former professional baseball player. This ball player was Billy Sunday who would go on to win over one million people to the Lord.
In 1924, Billy Sunday was preaching a crusade in Charlotte, North Carolina. It changed the city. One result was a group of young men who were so moved that they started a small prayer group. That prayer group continued to pray for years and during the midst of the Great Depression they felt a strong need for Charlotte to have another great revival. In 1934, they recruited a man named Mordecai Hamm to preach the crusade. During the last night of the Crusade, under the big tent, one tall, lanky young man walked up the aisle to receive Christ. That man's name was William Franklin Graham or Billy as millions around the world would soon know him. Billy Graham would go on to become the greatest evangelist the world has ever known.
As you think of this story, which person do you think was the most important? Graham? Sunday? They clearly are the most familiar. However, in a sense, perhaps the most important was a humble, everyday, Sunday School teacher named Elias Kimball. Most of us will never be a Billy Graham or Billy Sunday. But you could be an Elias Kimball. You could be a humble, faithful servant whose name few may remember, but a future harvest of your labors might forever change the world.
Monday, September 9, 2013
The Authority of Scripture
In August of 1949, Billy Graham was on the verge of making a decision of whether or not to begin his evangelistic crusades which would ultimately make him the most well known evangelist in America. However, he had to struggle with his personal doubts about whether the Bible was completely true or not. In his autobiography, "Just As I Am" he said these words one evening, "I had no doubts concerning the deity of Jesus Christ or the validity of the Gospel, but was the Bible completely true? As that night wore on, my heart became heavily burdened. Could I trust the Bible? If I could not trust the Bible, I could not go on. I would have to leave pulpit evangelism. I was thirty years of age. It was not too late to become a dairy farmer. But that night I believed with all my heart that the God who had saved my soul would never let go of me. I got up and took a walk . . . dropping to my knees there in the woods, I opened the Bible at random on a tree stump in front of me . . . the exact wording of my prayer is beyond recall, but it must have echoed my thoughts: 'O God! There are many things in this book I do not understand. There are many problems with it for which I have no solution.'
I was trying to be on the level with God, but something remained unspoken. At last the Holy Spirit freed me to say it. 'Father, I am going to accept this as Thy Word - by faith! I'm going to allow faith to go beyond my intellectual questions and doubts, and I will believe this to be Your inspired Word.' When I got up from my knees at Forest Home that August night, my eyes stung with tears. I sensed the presence and power of God as I had not sensed it in months. Not all my questions were answered, but a major bridge had been crossed. In my heart and mind, I knew a spiritual battle in my soul had been fought and won."
This was the turning point for Billy Graham. From that moment on he could preach the Word of God with power and authority. Billy Graham's favorite expression was, "the Bible says." He didn't defend or apologize for the Bible, he just presented it.
The Bible is the word of God. It is not the word of human beings. II Timothy 3:16 tells us, "All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness." The Greek word here for inspiration means literally, "inbreathed by God" and has a direct connection to the Holy Spirit. This means that the Holy Spirit was the One influencing the human beings who wrote the different books of the Bible. Psalm 119:160 states, "The entirety of your word is
truth . . . " John 6:63 tells us, "It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life."
Have you ever had your Billy Graham moment when you wrestled within your soul about the truth of the Bible?
I was trying to be on the level with God, but something remained unspoken. At last the Holy Spirit freed me to say it. 'Father, I am going to accept this as Thy Word - by faith! I'm going to allow faith to go beyond my intellectual questions and doubts, and I will believe this to be Your inspired Word.' When I got up from my knees at Forest Home that August night, my eyes stung with tears. I sensed the presence and power of God as I had not sensed it in months. Not all my questions were answered, but a major bridge had been crossed. In my heart and mind, I knew a spiritual battle in my soul had been fought and won."
This was the turning point for Billy Graham. From that moment on he could preach the Word of God with power and authority. Billy Graham's favorite expression was, "the Bible says." He didn't defend or apologize for the Bible, he just presented it.
The Bible is the word of God. It is not the word of human beings. II Timothy 3:16 tells us, "All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness." The Greek word here for inspiration means literally, "inbreathed by God" and has a direct connection to the Holy Spirit. This means that the Holy Spirit was the One influencing the human beings who wrote the different books of the Bible. Psalm 119:160 states, "The entirety of your word is
truth . . . " John 6:63 tells us, "It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life."
Have you ever had your Billy Graham moment when you wrestled within your soul about the truth of the Bible?
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
The Angel of the Lord
There is one angel in the Bible that is different than all the others. This angel was not created. He appears 40 times in the Old Testament. He is referred to as "the" Angel of the Lord. Not an angel of the Lord. The word Angel is capitalized. (I recommend the New King James Version of the Bible as it is the closest to the New Testament Greek which is "koine" Greek. It gives the highest respect to the Trinity and whenever God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit is mentioned, it is always capitalized.)
To understand this perfectly, we have to build a strong foundation. The word "incarnate" means to clothe with flesh, to embody, to give bodily form. The opposite of incarnate is "pre-incarnate" and this means to have no body.
John 1:1 states, "In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God." The Word is Jesus Christ.
Where shall we begin to study this? Let's look at John 1:2 which states, "He was in the beginning with God."
Where is the beginning? How about Genesis 1:1, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." Many people feel that the Holy Spirit does not show up until the New Testament but that is not correct. Look at Genesis 1:2, " . . . and the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters." The Spirit of God is the Holy Spirit. (Again, when you see the capital letters it always refers to divinity - either God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit.)
How do we know that the Trinity is seen in the Old Testament? Let's look at Genesis 1:26: "Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness . . . " Who is the Us and who is the Our? Again, it is the Holy Trinity of God, Jesus and Holy Spirit.
Now back to the Gospel of John. John 1:14, "And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth."
If the Word, which is Jesus, became flesh, it implies that before He became flesh, He did not have flesh. He was in a pre-incarnate state.
As mentioned, there are 40 references to the Angel of the Lord in the Old Testament but I am only going to pick one for this blog. Let's look at Genesis 16:7. Hagar is Sarah's maid and needs help. "Now the Angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, by the spring on the way to Shur."
Another interesting observation is this. After Jesus is born, the Angel of the Lord is never mentioned in the Bible again. Why? Since Jesus now had a body, the pre-incarnate Jesus would not be necessary anymore.
In Hebrews, we have this picture of the pre-incarnate Christ getting ready to become the incarnate Christ. This is the presentation of the Redeemer when Jesus became flesh and dwelt among us. Hebrews 10:5-7, "Therefore, when He came into the world, He said: 'Sacrifice and offering You did not desire, but a body You have prepared for Me. In burnt offerings and sacrifices for sin You had no pleasure. Then I said, "Behold, I have come - in the volume of the book it is written of Me - To do Your will, O God."
This is a conversation that took place just before Jesus left the presence of the Father in one moment into becoming microscopic size in the womb of the virgin Mary in Nazareth. Jesus would experience nearly every event that a human being would experience, including being born of a woman.
It is absolutely overwhelming that God could possibly love us this much that He would send His only Son to die for us that we might have the opportunity to live throughout eternity with Him.
Thirty-three years later, Jesus will kneel in a garden, and His humanness will say, "If there is any other way that the Scheme of Redemption can be fulfilled, let this cup pass from Me." As we know, there was no other way, and Jesus says the same thing in the garden just as He said when He left glory and entered into the womb of a virgin: "Not My will but Your will be done."
And Jesus went to Calvary. Jesus, our Savior, hung on a cross and the price for our spiritual salvation and physical healing was paid. Jesus paid the price for our sin with His blood. He completely broke the power of the devil and enslavement to sin. One day we will be taken from the presence of sin into His presence forever and ever. Where there will be no more tears. No more pain. Only eternal love and joy.
Jesus came as a babe in a manger. The lamb of God. But He's coming back again, only this time as the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.
To understand this perfectly, we have to build a strong foundation. The word "incarnate" means to clothe with flesh, to embody, to give bodily form. The opposite of incarnate is "pre-incarnate" and this means to have no body.
John 1:1 states, "In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God." The Word is Jesus Christ.
Where shall we begin to study this? Let's look at John 1:2 which states, "He was in the beginning with God."
Where is the beginning? How about Genesis 1:1, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." Many people feel that the Holy Spirit does not show up until the New Testament but that is not correct. Look at Genesis 1:2, " . . . and the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters." The Spirit of God is the Holy Spirit. (Again, when you see the capital letters it always refers to divinity - either God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit.)
How do we know that the Trinity is seen in the Old Testament? Let's look at Genesis 1:26: "Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness . . . " Who is the Us and who is the Our? Again, it is the Holy Trinity of God, Jesus and Holy Spirit.
Now back to the Gospel of John. John 1:14, "And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth."
If the Word, which is Jesus, became flesh, it implies that before He became flesh, He did not have flesh. He was in a pre-incarnate state.
As mentioned, there are 40 references to the Angel of the Lord in the Old Testament but I am only going to pick one for this blog. Let's look at Genesis 16:7. Hagar is Sarah's maid and needs help. "Now the Angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, by the spring on the way to Shur."
Another interesting observation is this. After Jesus is born, the Angel of the Lord is never mentioned in the Bible again. Why? Since Jesus now had a body, the pre-incarnate Jesus would not be necessary anymore.
In Hebrews, we have this picture of the pre-incarnate Christ getting ready to become the incarnate Christ. This is the presentation of the Redeemer when Jesus became flesh and dwelt among us. Hebrews 10:5-7, "Therefore, when He came into the world, He said: 'Sacrifice and offering You did not desire, but a body You have prepared for Me. In burnt offerings and sacrifices for sin You had no pleasure. Then I said, "Behold, I have come - in the volume of the book it is written of Me - To do Your will, O God."
This is a conversation that took place just before Jesus left the presence of the Father in one moment into becoming microscopic size in the womb of the virgin Mary in Nazareth. Jesus would experience nearly every event that a human being would experience, including being born of a woman.
It is absolutely overwhelming that God could possibly love us this much that He would send His only Son to die for us that we might have the opportunity to live throughout eternity with Him.
Thirty-three years later, Jesus will kneel in a garden, and His humanness will say, "If there is any other way that the Scheme of Redemption can be fulfilled, let this cup pass from Me." As we know, there was no other way, and Jesus says the same thing in the garden just as He said when He left glory and entered into the womb of a virgin: "Not My will but Your will be done."
And Jesus went to Calvary. Jesus, our Savior, hung on a cross and the price for our spiritual salvation and physical healing was paid. Jesus paid the price for our sin with His blood. He completely broke the power of the devil and enslavement to sin. One day we will be taken from the presence of sin into His presence forever and ever. Where there will be no more tears. No more pain. Only eternal love and joy.
Jesus came as a babe in a manger. The lamb of God. But He's coming back again, only this time as the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Are You As Smart As A 7th Grader Answers
Q. 1: How many books in the Old Testament? (39)
Q. 2: How many books in the New Testament? (27)
Q. 3: How many books in the Bible? (66)
Q. 4: What does the gospel mean? (The Good News)
Q. 5: What one verse explains the gospel? (John 3:16)
Q. 6: What language was the Old Testament written? (Hebrew)
Q. 7: What language was the New Testament written? (Greek)
Q. 8: What language did Jesus speak predominantly? (Aramaic)
Q. 9: What was the Exodus? (Moses led Hebrews out of slavery
in Egypt and into the promised land.)
Q. 10: What was the name of the promised land? (Canaan)
Q. 11: What year was the Old Testament put together? (90 A.D.)
Q. 12: What year was the New Testament? (367 A.D.)
Q. 13: What are the first four books of the N.T. called? (Gospels)
Q. 14: What was the first Bible in 1622? (King James Version)
Q. 15: What are the two sacraments of the Protestant Church?
(Baptism and Communion)
If you got 10 out of 15 right, consider yourself almost as smart as a 7th grader. If you got more than that right, Jesus might say, "You are not far from the Kingdom."
If you did well, let me know and leave a comment.
Q. 2: How many books in the New Testament? (27)
Q. 3: How many books in the Bible? (66)
Q. 4: What does the gospel mean? (The Good News)
Q. 5: What one verse explains the gospel? (John 3:16)
Q. 6: What language was the Old Testament written? (Hebrew)
Q. 7: What language was the New Testament written? (Greek)
Q. 8: What language did Jesus speak predominantly? (Aramaic)
Q. 9: What was the Exodus? (Moses led Hebrews out of slavery
in Egypt and into the promised land.)
Q. 10: What was the name of the promised land? (Canaan)
Q. 11: What year was the Old Testament put together? (90 A.D.)
Q. 12: What year was the New Testament? (367 A.D.)
Q. 13: What are the first four books of the N.T. called? (Gospels)
Q. 14: What was the first Bible in 1622? (King James Version)
Q. 15: What are the two sacraments of the Protestant Church?
(Baptism and Communion)
If you got 10 out of 15 right, consider yourself almost as smart as a 7th grader. If you got more than that right, Jesus might say, "You are not far from the Kingdom."
If you did well, let me know and leave a comment.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Are You As Smart As A 7th Grader?
Confirmation in some churches is composed of 7th and 8th graders who spend almost a year studying the Bible. Here is a 15 question list that measures some of the important things they learn. In the next blog I will provide the answers. See how you do.
Q. 1: How many books are there in the Old Testament?
Q. 2: How many books are there in the New Testament?
Q. 3: How many books are there in the Bible?
Q. 4: What does the word Gospel really mean?
Q. 5: What one verse in the Bible explains the word Gospel?
Q. 6: What language was the Old Testament written in?
Q. 7: What language was the New Testament written in?
Q. 8: What language did Jesus predominantly speak?
Q. 9: What was the Exodus?
Q. 10: What was the name of the "promised land?"
Q. 11: What year was the Old Testament put together?
Q. 12: What year was the New Testament put together?
Q. 13: What are the first four books of the New Testament called?
Q. 14: What was the name of the first Bible published in 1622?
Q. 15: What are the two sacraments of the Protestant Church?
Q. 1: How many books are there in the Old Testament?
Q. 2: How many books are there in the New Testament?
Q. 3: How many books are there in the Bible?
Q. 4: What does the word Gospel really mean?
Q. 5: What one verse in the Bible explains the word Gospel?
Q. 6: What language was the Old Testament written in?
Q. 7: What language was the New Testament written in?
Q. 8: What language did Jesus predominantly speak?
Q. 9: What was the Exodus?
Q. 10: What was the name of the "promised land?"
Q. 11: What year was the Old Testament put together?
Q. 12: What year was the New Testament put together?
Q. 13: What are the first four books of the New Testament called?
Q. 14: What was the name of the first Bible published in 1622?
Q. 15: What are the two sacraments of the Protestant Church?
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