Focused

"One day I'm going to do it."  Have you ever said those words?  "One day . . . ?"  When is that day coming?  When are you going to do it?  What is stopping you from just doing it?  One of Nike's great advertising campaigns is simply this:  "Just do it."

Sigmund Freud believed that we can fool ourselves without being aware of it.  For example, he believed that we forget what we don't want to do.  Has that ever happened to you?  Have you ever forgotten to do what yo were supposed to do?  If you have, you have lost your focus.

We become whatever it is we are focused on.  For example, people who are satisfied and successful think differently than other people.  They focus on the situation at hand and achieve whatever it is they are focusing on.  Many people do just the opposite.  They are not focused.  Instead, their thinking is scattered.  Since they are not focused, they don't get things done.  They are in every sense of the word, "procrastinators."  They don't get things done on time, if at all.  The people around them lose confidence in them.  The easiest thing in the world is to do "nothing."  It takes minimal skill and little energy.  Remember, we become what we are focused on.

Jesus reminds us to stay focused in Matthew 6:33, when He says, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."  The word "seek" means to look for and desire but it also means to "take aim at,"  to focus our energy on the kingdom of God.  By focusing on the kingdom of God, Jesus reminds us that we will achiever it.  Where our focus goes, our energy flows.

Foundations of the Bible

FOUNDATIONS OF THE BIBLE

January 08  Introduction:  How the Old Testament came about.

January 15  The Patriarchs.  1900-1700 B.C.  (Genesis 12-25).

January 22  The Exodus.  1280 B.C.  (Exodus 1-15).

January 29 The Wilderness.  1280-1250 B.C.  (Exodus 16-18; Numbers 11-20)

February 05 The Covenant at Sinai.  1280-1250 B.C.  (Exodus 19-24; 32-34).

February 12 The Conquest.  1250 B.C.  (Joshua 1-12, 23-24).

February 19 Confederation, Syncretism & Judges.  1250-1020 B.C.  (Judges).

February 26 Saul & Samuel.  1020-1000 B.C.  (I Samuel 1-15).

March 05     David.  1000-961 B.C.  (I Samuel 16 - I Kings 1-2).

March 12 Solomon.  961-922 B.C.  (I Kings 3-11).

March 19 Ninth Century Prophets.  (I Kings 17 - II Kings 10).

March 26      Eighth Century Prophets.  (Amos, Hosea).

April 02 Period of the Exile.  587-537 B.C.  (Isaiah 40 - 55).

April 09 Post Exile.  537-167 B.C.  (Haggai, Ezra, Nehemiah, Zechariah).

April 16 The Maccabees  &Apocalyptic.  167 B.C. to birth of Christ.  (Daniel).

April 23      Introduction:  How the New Testament came about.

April 30     The Gospel of Matthew.  (Matthew).

May 07 The Gospel of Mark.  (Mark).

May 14 The Gospel of Luke. (Luke).
May 21 The Gospel of John.  (John).

May 28 The Acts of the Apostles (Acts).

June 04 The Romans and Paul’s theology.  (Romans).

June 11 The Corinthians.  (I & II Corinthians).

June 18 The Thessalonians and Galatians.  (I, II Thessalonians & Galatians).

June 25 The Prison Letters.  (Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, Philemon).

July 02 The Pastoral Letters.  (I, II Timothy, Titus).

July 09 The Letters of James and Hebrews.  (James, Hebrews).

July 16 The Letters of Peter and Jude.  (I, II Peter, Jude).

July 23 The Letters of John.  (I, II, III John).

July 30 The Apocalypse.  (Revelation).  

I will be teaching this class which will be held in the fellowship hall at Branson Christian Church.  The goal of this class will be for you to acquire a solid theological understanding of the entire Bible in 30 sessions.  Three ring view binders with type written class notes plus many handouts with world history timelines will be given free of charge to each participant.  This is open to anyone, not just Branson Christian Church members.  Please register by calling our Office Manager - Ginger at 417-334-3453.

Class Times:

Wednesday morning:  10:30 to 12:00

Wednesday evening:     6:30 to   8:00

Should The Battered Woman Stay Or Leave

Throughout church history, many women have been advised to stay with their husbands by ministers, even though the minister knows that her husband has been abusing her.  I am not referring to all ministers but there are clearly many who do.  These ministers believe they are sincerely doing the right thing.  They believe the Bible ordains it and they have many Scriptures to back it up.  They  sincerely believe they are doing the right thing and convince the woman to stay with her husband on Biblical grounds; however, they are sincerely wrong!

When we talk about men abusing their wives (there are also women who abuse their husbands) we are talking about domestic violence.  Some research studies report that 40% of all police officers are injured, and 20% of all police officers are killed responding to domestic violence.  

Spousal abuse is very serious and the average minister has no professional training in this area.  They are in every way, over their head, and placing the abused spouse in harms way.  

Clinical psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychiatric social workers have specialized training in this area.  As soon as it is revealed that there is sufficient evidence to suspect violence in the marriage, marriage counseling is over.  If they are to be seen for counseling, it will need to be individual counseling.  It is simply too dangerous.  If the couple is seen in marital counseling and the abuser hears her say something he doesn't like, she will be subject to his anger after the session is over.  

Years ago I conducted 12 session workshops for male abusers who were referred by the State of Ohio.  It would take roughly four sessions just to get the abusers to examine their denial system.  For example, it was not unusual for the man to say, "It's her fault . . . if she would keep her mouth shut . . ."  I remember one man who felt he was being railroaded in taking the workshop (they had to pay for it out of their own pockets) who refused to take any responsibility for his actions and denied any wrongdoing whatsoever.  I had his police papers in front of me and when I pointed out that he hit his wife in the face so hard it required extensive plastic surgery, he was still in denial blaming her for everything that happened.   

In those days it was called impulse control therapy, today it is called anger management.  In emotionally charged situations, abusers can be very violent.  Imagine what it would be like if you had a violent dog living in your home and you had to be very careful of everything you did, so you didn't get attacked.  Many women subject to abuse describe their marriage this way.

Imagine if you will, a Christian woman who is completely torn as to what to do.  She wants to do the right thing, but what is the right thing?  Who do you listen to?  Will the church help or hurt you?  Who do you trust?  Do you even trust yourself anymore?  (I'll be doing another blog on "learned helplessness" which really sheds light on the behavioral aspects of this syndrome - including a discussion on "classical conditioning," think of the movie " A Clock Work Orange.")  

There are many other things involved, e.g., escape plans, shelters, money issues, etc.  Restraining orders have mixed reviews and most are not positive.  I could write several blogs on these issues but that is not my focus here.

What exactly can a minister do?  Please do not do marriage counseling.  The Lord does not want his children being abused!  The first responsible thing to do is to get the best treatment available.  Refer them to people who are trained to handle these situations; specialists who are Christian if possible.  If it is a small community and there are no other specialists available, or if it is a situation where there just is no money available, or there is a  long waiting list, the minister may have to see them separately.  

Read everything you can on domestic violence.  Get a mentor who will help you if that is possible.  Pray for guidance from God before every session - do not miss - the Holy Spirit is ready and willing to help you.  (Clinical psychologists do not give directives to patients - that means that if the patient is competent to make decisions - the patient is the one who makes the final decision to stay or leave.  If the patient is incompetent, i.e., is so confused and brain washed that she is not capable of protecting herself or her children, then escape plans, women's shelter, police protection, etc. may be in order.)  The women who are killed by the man who "loves them" die within the first few days of leaving.  You must be extremely careful.  

Can an abuser change?  The answer is yes.  Can a marriage be restored?  Yes.  Can God work miracles?  Yes.  (If the abuser is antisocial - i.e., a psychopath, the odds are very, very slim for change and only God can save them.  If the abuser is a narcissist, the odds are also slim as they do not have the capacity for love.) 

In regards to the woman's point of view.  If you have children, your first priority is to protect them.  Research reveals that children and animals can be in danger also.  You have to make the right decision which will affect your entire life and also your children if you have children.  Remember, you are not yourself.  You have changed.  You will be suffering from multiple traumas.  Most likely you will be suffering from "learned helplessness."  You are confused as to what is the right thing to do.  You need an anchor.  Who is that anchor?  Is it God?  Does He hear you?  Is it a friend?  Is it a competent therapist?  You absolutely must get help.  It is not
going to get better no matter what the abuser tells you.  Something has to change and it has to change now!  

If you can find an experienced, caring, and competent Christian therapist, everything is eventually going to be ok.  (Please be aware that there are many therapists out there who advertise themselves as Christian therapists to get clients - but they have no credentials- ask them what seminary or Bible College they went to - if none - be very careful.)

In regards to the man's point of view.  There are men who do want to change but do not know how to do it.  They just do not have the tools to deal with stress and earlier traumas in their  lives.  These men can change and with the right guidance they will.  Marital therapy can then be continued.  

Luke 4:18, is everything that I try to pattern myself after, and perhaps you can also:

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed."   
                                                               Luke 4:18:  NKJV                          

       







  

"Are Men and Women Equal?"

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord."
                                                                             Ephesians 5:22

"So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."
                                                                             Genesis 1:27

People typically study the Bible through the eyes of their own individual prejudices, i.e., they tend to read "into" the Scriptures rather than "out of" them as the Holy Spirit meant when He directed His servants to write them.  Perhaps the greatest misunderstanding in the entire Bible concerns gender equality or lack thereof.  

Throughout world history, women have had the greatest struggle imaginable just to regain what God intended for them to have in the very beginning.  When you consider that women in America were not deemed good enough to vote until 1920, you can begin to appreciate the struggle.  (Being married to an ordained minister who has earned two doctoral degrees and observing her journey has given me an intimate perspective of this struggle.)

Most people can find verses to support their position.  What must be kept in mind, however, is that God from the very beginning created man and woman as equal.  He ordained both man and woman to walk with Him and be as one.  Men and women are designed to fulfill different roles but God created them equal.  

The next blog will explore the dangers of not understanding this.    "Should a Christian woman stay with an abusive husband?"  "Do many ordained ministers encourage women to stay in an abusive relationship?"  "Should the average minister be counseling couples who are involved in violence?"    

Helping The Battered Woman

Perhaps the most alarming statistic concerning battered women, is the estimate that one out of three women will be battered at some time in their life by a man who "loves" them.

I began working with battered women in 1973 at the request of the medical director at a mental health center in which I was employed.  I discovered quickly that there was little if any research on battered women during this time period.  Thus, the only thing to do was to begin exploring these issues first hand by beginning a battered women's group.  The first group was composed of eight young women with obvious physical injuries.  What was not so obvious were the psychological injuries.  When asked why they stayed in a relationship with a man who had injured them they all professed to love him.  That answer was not compatible with common sense.  Thus began a journey into the psyche of the battered woman in search of the answer to the question, "why?"  

Many theories have been proposed, ranging from the earliest psychoanalytic theory by Anna Freud involving "identification with the aggressor - out of fear and not love" to current social and reality focused issues such as economics, religious issues, and fear of retaliation.  All of these theories and social issues are clearly real and very true; however, I still found them to fall short of answering the critical question of "why?"  If a person were to look at all of the women who fall victim to battering, it is clear they will discover that some women were reared in warm and caring families, had many economic resources available, as well as support systems and strong academic credentials.  Why do these women still remain in abusive relationships?  

I discovered, in studying prisoner of war research, a method of brain washing that proved to be very enlightening.  Upon further exploration, I isolated five variables to accomplish the objective of brainwashing American prisoners of war:  (1) fear, (2) isolation, (3) poverty, (4) interrogation, and (5) propaganda.  No human being can be brainwashed without the first variable - fear.  This was easily accomplished by any type of physical punishment.  The second variable was also easily accomplished by isolating the soldier, as camaraderie would provide ego enhancing opportunities and reality checks.  The third variable was accomplished by withholding any monetary goods as this represented a form of power, e.g., cigarettes could be exchanged for favors which represented at least an illusion of having some control.  The fourth variable involved interrogation which destroyed confidence, and never communication which would enhance self-esteem.  The fifth variable involved propaganda designed to enhance the captor's point of view and humiliate the captive.

It became increasingly clear to me that the batterer, although not familiar with this type of research, was using the same psychological warfare.  He developed fear in the woman, generally by hitting her; isolated her by trying to convince her that her friends were bad for her; kept a strong reign on the money; interrogated her as to her whereabouts; and humiliated her by trying to convince her she was not worthy and he was so much better.  The woman eventually becomes brainwashed.  Cycles of violence continue with the hope that he will change; however, despite desperate pleas from loved ones, she seems even more trapped.  

Help for the battered woman begins with the personal insight into this brainwashing scheme, portrayed so frequently by charming men.  The battered woman needs to seriously ask herself, "does my partner raise my self-esteem or does he lower my self-esteem?"  Good men who have the capacity for love, never lower a woman's self-esteem through power and control tactics.  They seek to raise and affirm their partner's confidence through mutual respect.  Seeking the services of an experienced therapist to explore whether or not one is a battered woman, should not be considered a weakness, but rather an opportunity for self-growth and inner freedom.  

In my next blog, I will explore the spiritual dynamics of staying with an abuser.  Does the average minister encourage a wife to stay with an abusing husband?  Does the Scriptures say a wife must remain loyal to her husband regardless of circumstances, e.g., unconditional love, "in sickness and in health, in poverty and wealth, until death does separate us?"  

It has been 40 years since I first got involved with battered women.    In 40 years, nothing has changed.    

A Prayer For The Very Weary

Every once in a while I will find a prayer that will touch my heart. If you have ever helped a loved one with pain they are going through, this will resonate throughout your soul.

This was written by Grace Noll Crowell.


"Dear Child, God does not say today, 'Be strong!'
He knows your strength is spent;  
He knows how long the road has been,
How weary you have grown,
For He who walked the earthly roads alone,
Each bogging lowland, and each long steep hill,
Can understand, and so he says, 
'Be still and know that I am God.'
The hour is late, and you must rest awhile,
And you must wait
Until life's empty reservoirs fill up
As slow rain fills an empty, upturned cup,
Hold up your cup, dear child, for God to fill,
He only asks today that you be still."

If you have a favorite prayer that you would like to share, please let me know.  

Touching Lives We May Never Know

"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord."    I Corinthians 15:58

Do you ever wonder if what you do is significant?  Will anything you do ever make a real difference in the work of the Lord?  Perhaps the story of Elias Kimball can give us hope.  Elias was a Sunday School teacher who worked with a class of young men in Boston.  In 1858, Elias felt the tugging of the Holy Spirit move him to share his faith with a young shoe salesman he knew.  At first, he was hesitant to do so, but finally went into the shoe store and shared his faith with him.  As a result, the young shoe salesman prayed and received Christ that day.  The shoe salesman's name was Dwight L. Moody who went on to become the greatest evangelist of his generation.  Dwight Moody moved to Chicago where he started a Sunday School work among children that would eventually lead to the Moody Bible Institute.

In 1879, Moody went to England to lead an evangelistic crusade.  At first, the British clergy found his sermons too overly emotional. One minister in particular, F.B. Meyer was very critical of him until a lady from his church convinced him that Moody was truly a great minister.  Meyer decided to give him another chance and was won over by his dynamic preaching.  Meyer was so influenced by Moody that he became a traveling evangelist.

Years late while preaching in America, Meyer was approached by a young minister named J. Wilbur Chapman who was so discouraged he was ready to resign.  Meyer counseled him and Chapman regained his faith and began a career as an evangelist in the early 20th century.  Before long, Chapman knew he would need an assistant and recruited a highly motivated but largely uneducated former professional baseball player.  This ball player was Billy Sunday who would go on to win over one million people to the Lord.

In 1924, Billy Sunday was preaching a crusade in Charlotte, North Carolina.  It changed the city.  One result was a group of young men who were so moved that they started a small prayer group.  That prayer group continued to pray for years and during the midst of the Great Depression they felt a strong need for Charlotte to have another great revival.  In 1934, they recruited a man named Mordecai Hamm to preach the crusade.  During the last night of the Crusade, under the big tent, one tall, lanky young man walked up the aisle to receive Christ.  That man's name was William Franklin Graham or Billy as millions around the world would soon know him.  Billy Graham would go on to become the greatest evangelist the world has ever known.

As you think of this story, which person do you think was the most important?  Graham?  Sunday?  They clearly are the most familiar.  However, in a sense, perhaps the most important was a humble, everyday, Sunday School teacher named Elias Kimball.  Most of us will never be a Billy Graham or Billy Sunday.  But you could be an Elias Kimball.  You could be a humble, faithful servant whose name few may remember, but a future harvest of your labors might forever change the world.